“The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.” Very Good Jeeves.
“He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”
“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.” The Code of the Woosters.
“I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.” Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest.
“Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy’s Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day’s work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city’s reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.”
“She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when”. ”
“A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.”
“Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.” Very Good, Jeeves.
“It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.”
“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.” The Adventures of Sally.
“There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”
“She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.”
“I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.”
“Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.” Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit.
“She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season” Carry On, Jeeves.
“He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.”
“I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and colours scrapping in the middle of the room, and then they all shot past me with a rush and out of the front door; and all that was left of the mobscene was the head of a whacking big fish, lying on the carpet and staring up at me in a rather austere sort of way, as if it wanted a written explanation and apology.”
“An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.”
“She had more curves than a scenic railway.”
“I don’t want to wrong anybody, so I won’t go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don’t sometimes feel that the stars are God’s daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.” Right Ho, Jeeves.
“Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.” Right Ho, Jeeves.
“You can’t be a successful Dictator and design women’s underclothing.”
“I mean, if you’re asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it’s absurd to tack a ‘sir’ on to every sentence. The two things don’t go together.” Thank You, Jeeves.
“I marmaladed a slice of toast with something of a flourish and I don’t suppose I have ever come much closer to saying ‘Tra la la’ as I did the lathering for I was feeling in mid season form this morning.”